Catch Some Wide Eye

Magnets for Decorum

There is no telling where he got that waistcoat from, but it’s a pretty good bet that it wasn’t from the Wizards Emporium store down the street. And a pretty damn good waistcoat it is. Just ten bucks can buy you the best these days. If you lop off the right heads, that is.

She didn’t really wish for much those days. Just a green patch to lay down on. Maybe some hay. A tree or two would do well for shade. Water is always nice, especially the flowing kind. Flowing water always stays clean whereas stagnant water always seemed to put a dull cringe in her belly. She was seventeen months which is practically an adult in centaur years.

He wasn’t wearing the waistcoat when he saw her and, oddly enough, he didn’t decide to lop off her head. This is what men like him usually did when they found a prize, but he felt severing the head from the body would take away from the magnitude of this catch. And rightly so. Her name was Theodora. He called himself Lance. Whether or not that is actually his name is not of our concern.

At first Lance offered her flowers, but she was dreadfully allergic. Theodora broke out in hives and strange purple blotches poked out from her fur. Then he tried apples. Centaurs love apples. Soon enough he had her literally eating out of his hand. He led her into town and bought that fine waistcoat for their wedding day.

The problem was, they never really thought anything through much past the wedding. He wanted to live in the city because that’s where all the heads to be lopped off were currently living. One cannot live too far away from heads. She wanted to live in the country because there was plenty of room to run and gallop and raise children.

He didn’t want children.

It was a very sticky problem, a sticky problem indeed. After a bit of struggle, Lance thought of a brilliant compromise. They would move out into the country and have lots of children as long as he could lop their heads off. Theodora didn’t agree, at first. However, upon some consideration, she realized that there is a point in every child’s life where they cease to be cute and endearing and instead turn into obnoxious little brats. Loving Lance as she did, she agreed he could lop off their heads as soon as they reached this horrendous stage.

And they lived happily ever after.


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2 thoughts on “Magnets for Decorum

  1. this is deliciously twisted, hugely creative…
    my crush on you increases. 🙂

  2. Not bad at all. I like it.

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